It all started in 2013. Well it probably started before then, I just didn't know it. I had a Demi Lovato fan account on Twitter, I made it around 7 years ago and I've met so many people from it. One of those being my first girlfriend. We started talking, I don't remember it being flirty at first, then it kind of was, but I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I didn't even think I liked her in that way, I used to think it would be disgusting to kiss a girl. Ew why would I do that? We talked more and more, I am pretty sure she told me she liked me, and at that point I still didn't know how I felt, it was so confusing. I kind of knew what I was feeling but I just couldn't explain it. I said I liked her back, although I wasn't sure, once I had said it I knew it was true. The cute thing is this was my first relationship, I had always day dreamed about boys, but I never in a million years thought I'd be with a girl.
We had been talking for a couple months when I decided I was going to get the train to meet her, she lived about 2-3 hours away from me via train. I still hadn't told anyone at this point, I wanted to make sure my feelings were right before I told anyone. I didn't want to come out and then realise it wasn't for me. Once I got there everything felt perfect, it wasn't awkward at all. All my feelings were new and confusing but so exciting. I pretty much had butterflies the whole time. We went back to hers, her friend was with us so we just chilled chatting. I hadn't even had my first kiss, I was 18 and still hadn't kissed anyone, so that was another thing to make me feel nervous. It happened that night and everything felt right. I knew I liked girls.
I had actually told my mum I was visiting my friend Amelia in Brighton when I went, I had no idea why but she was the first that came to my mind. My mum kind of questioned it but she let me go anyway. When I got back I had to tell her, not face to face of course. I did wait a few days before I said anything. I am quite lucky, I knew my mum would accept me 100%. It was still so scary to tell her, because I knew she wouldn't expect it. She was out at her friends, so I text her then so I didn't have to face her straight away. I told her the truth about where I went, I told her I didn't want to tell her until I knew what I was feeling was right. I sent quite a long paragraph, did she reply straight away? NO of course she didn't! It was at least an hour, and then I hear the door open and close. I looked out my bedroom window and see her car. She drove home but didn't even reply to my text! My heart was beating so fast you would not believe. I heard her shout my name from downstairs, I came creeping down the stairs, heart still pounding. She starts crying... but happy crying, which makes me start crying. She pulls me into a hug telling me how much she loves me and that it'll change nothing. She didn't expect it but she was so proud of me for being able to tell her. It was such an emotional moment, one I'll always treasure. How did I get so lucky.
Obviously then you have to slowly start coming out to other people, I told my best friend, she had no problem and loves me no matter what. My mum told my family, I didn't want to do it. My nan actually guessed, first guess "she's pregnant?" second guess "she's gay?". No idea how she guessed it, glad I'm gay and not pregnant. I don't talk to my dad anymore, he's not a good dad at all. So I wasn't even talking to him when this was happening, I tried to make effort with him and he came to my 21st birthday meal, met Abbie, everything was fine. I didn't see him again, he wasn't phased by it though, I just didn't see him again because he makes no effort.
My first relationship didn't last long, it was on and off for so long, I realised one day I was stronger than I think I am, I had to leave it if I wanted to be happy, no matter how much it was going to break my heart. I look at my life now, and I've been through so much since then. Now I live with my beautiful girlfriend Abbie. We've been together for 3 years and many more to come. I am very happy and content in who I am. I am very fortunate to have so many amazing people surrounding me who accept me for who I am.
Happy pride month, keep shining and being the amazing gay babes you are.
- Shannon x
